A New Thing

IC XC
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NI KA

Look, I know, you read these pages (all six of you read these pages) for what the ad copy says, essays and posts on “theology, sex and culture.” Maybe I want to write something new, ok? I mentioned it in my last vlog and it maybe one of the first entirely upbeat things to hit my life in a few years so I’m going to do an occasional update on my gym workouts! As I mentioned on Twitter recently, “Sixty Schmixty”.

I’ve had three previous experiences in trying to join a gym: 24 Hour Fitness in 2011, Sports Club LA (later Equinox) during my time at Zoosk, before the monastery, and during my time at Patreon, a very brief membership with Fitness SF. All of them came with a “free consultation” with a trainer. And, in various ways, each trainer made me feel like he saw an old fat guy who should probably stay on the elliptical devices for a long time. To be fair, that’s who I was. At 300+ lbs, I had high BP, was prediabetic, and could not even fit in the towels they provided for modesty sake in the showers. So, ok. But did you have to make me feel that way? In one case, the trainer actuall said it out loud. (One of these gyms wanted me to BP test every time I came in… I understand insurance and liability, but you still wanted my money.)

Anyway. Every Catholic Podcast I listen to tells me to work out. The Catholic Man Show, certainly, but also Every Knee Shall Bow. Even Catholic Stuff You Should Know is very much into physical activity, although I don’t think they talk about weight lifting. There are a few Orthodox folks who talk about it, but not quite as directly. It’s intriguing that many of the Catholic guys suggest it as a way to burn off extra male energy which might otherwise go to some bad use. We’ll get to that later.

I’m not that any more. Minus 100 lbs and BP quite normal, I’m not even prediabetic! Gym membership seemed to beckon because I had plateaued as far as weight loss was concerned (hovering around 210 since 2020). Walking miles and miles a week wasn’t doing anything anymore. I talked about it with the therapist, cuz, why not? And we laughed at the various options being too expensive, too trashy, or just plain-old too gay.

Of course, the final choice was the too-expensive one. It’s a block away from my apartment. The kicker, though, was the encouragement of a friend that “you got this.” And when I went in, met the staff, and had my “free workout”, I cannot tell you the light-years difference in attitude: yes, I’m not the old fat guy any more, but as we discussed goals and the previous gym experiences came up, the staff apologized for that bad experience at other gyms. That’s a very Orthodox thing to do. And they promised that would not be happening here. And, o, by the way, we have a much cheaper option that is not listed on our website, and since you were recommended, you do not have to pay a signup fee and your buddy gets a free month. They also seemed to know every member by name.

Done. And done.

A Cunning Plan

Yes, I know: rest days are important, and focussing on set groups of muscles in specific sessions is important. Three days is a good rest (unless there’s pain and stress) and so, I started with 1.5 hours on Mon/Wed/Fri as Upper/Core/Legs. The endorphin high was so incredible, that I began to wonder if there was room for more. So, I figured there are two more days in there, and maybe 45-60 mins would be better:

• Mon: Arms/Shoulders
• Tue: Legs
• Wed: Chest/Core
• Thur: Arms/Shoulder
• Fri: Legs

Each day begins with stretching and cardio, and ends with a nice shower at home (because it’s only a block away, which addresses some other issues as well) and… wow. Yes, there are not two days for Chest/Core, but I’m working that rather hard right now because that’s where the most problems are: my “spare tire”. However I’ve added abdominal cruches to all five days to work that area anyway, so we don’t need a second day yet.

I’m not trying to turn into Charles Atlas. I have rather simple goals: manage the weight better, be stonger. I’d like to lift my body weight at some point with all muscle groups, but right now the weight is about 1/3 of that. I still can’t do more than 1 pullup on my in-home bar, so, want to fix that.

The friend who refered me to the gym came down walk me through some exercises and threw all his encouragement at me, and I managed to bench press 95 pounds. That was a bit of a shocker. And I learned proper form for a lot of my exercises. We’re off and running.

Other things

My spotify has some odd ideas about what’s good for working out. Most of it is decidedly unchristian. It seems the gym is the perfect place for my harder-diving selection of last-century Contemporary Christian Music. Think Third Day, Kansas, and Petra.

The claim that this burns off energy that might get put to otherwise vicious use: yes, it’s true. But, sed contra, I also find that I in fact have more energy. So, there’s that. I come into work rather wired and it takes most of the day to wear off. That’s pretty awesome. I have to work on channeling it better – it’s fun in a mad, hopping bunny sort of way, but I also seem to be on a bit of a hair trigger (or hare?). So, while having more things to confess is good, I guess, there’s something to work on outside of the gym.

Weight loss. Another thing to work on. I’m ravenous after a workout. I’ve been told that a slight modification to my keto diet is needed: keto is 80% Fat/15% Protein/5% Carbs, but for working out it needs to be more like 25%/25%/50%. Looks like grains are back on the menu, boys. But, I’ve also been told not to change my diet too much at the beginning because my body will not be ready for it. Nevertheless, I’ve added plant-based protein shakes in lieu of actually eating everything in the kitchen. Also I am not supposed to go to the gym without eating something. Ew. Breakfast. I need a toaster. Actually I love breakfast, but Wednesdays and Fridays, you know. So avocado toast it is!

The claim that this is probably better than therapy at dealing with problems, at least for men: I don’t know if the man thing is true, but yes, the endorphin hit manages to make me feel over-all most positively about things. Trigger issues aside, things are far more sunny on a day with the gym than even with just sun.

Gym time kills my walking five miles to work three days a week and I had to pay more for a bus pass. This required bringing to a close my two different private tutors in Hebrew. The gym membership plus the bus pass cost me only $12 more than the tutoring. I’ve decided to pick up reading (actual books) in Byzantine history to build back the mind portion of this new project. Modern, Israeli Hebrew was a fun project which took on a special meaning after October 7th last year. Even more so when some of my tutorings were conducted from on the field. But it was a luxury project: sure, I can be that guy that orders in the actual language if I ever get to Israel, but in the end it was just an on-going mental exercise. I’m reasonably comfortable in the language – even keeping a journal. But to what end? None that I can see, although it’s fun to pray the Psalms in Hebrew. Byzantine History should also be fun – not to mention produce more blog posts.

There is a before picture showing off all the flab. I’ll spare you that and will probably spare you the 30/60/90 day photos as well, but I will commit to updating these gym reports on that cycle.

And there we are. Things to work on, things to confess, and things to bless and be thankful for.

As always, asking your prayers.